I'm so friggen spoiled!

[dreadpirateange]

Okay, so I get a letter from the place that accepted me, telling me that all of the stuff they will be paying for me amounts to $145,000.

And instead of going "Wah-HEY, I don't even know what that kind of cash looks like!" I think "Oh poo, I'll have to teach 20 hours a week for it."

What the hell is wrong with me?

Why is it that when I get my heart's desire, my heart moves on to something even more unattainable before I even have enough time to celebrate?

Other people would kill to be in the position I am in. Heck, last week, I would have killed to be in the position I am in now. Someone from a family like mine should never have had an opportunity like this.

I am excited. I *AM* excited.

I am so pissed off with myself for not appreciating this more.

Comments

The money is nice...

[http://users.livejournal.com/_into_shadow_/]

BUT, you will be teaching. And I assume those are class/lab hours, right? Which doesn't include any extra preparation or office hours you may be required to do?

Although it's not the same, I know people who are teaching with say Teach For America and what not, and it's a killer for them because they work beyond the 40 hours or whatever it is they put in during the workday. Less time for your own classowork, downtime, research, etc.

Be glad you're not rejected or are not getting any funding? :P

I think it's a reasonable and realistic reaction.

Re: The money is nice...

[dreadpirateange.livejournal.com]

I wish I knew, I haven't dug that deep yet. Hopefully it's more of what Tigg is going through, and a lot less of what you are describing!

Things will look better in the morning, eh? :)

[tigg.livejournal.com]

Trust me, the 20 hours a week thing doesn't usually work out that way. You will probably have weeks that are far less work. I'm spending about 5 hours a week in class (sitting in on the lectures, TAing 2 sections), plus I do 2 office hours each week, plus about an hour of prep.

That's about 8 hours a week, which is really nothing in the scheme of things (Particularly when you consider that in my program, the TA responsibilities take the place of a third class).

Now, the weeks when they turn things in? Yeah, that'll put you at 20 or more. but that's not all the time.

[dreadpirateange.livejournal.com]

That's a relief, at least.

I'm afraid I'll burst out laughing with a bunch of 17-year-old's eyes on me, thinking that I'm all knowing and will have the answers they need to graduate.

Ah, but for the days I was that naive!

[tigg.livejournal.com]

What I've found really great in my program is that the profs constantly remind us that we don't need to know everything, that it's okay to tell a student we don't know something and will either look it up - or heck, tell THEM to look it up. :)

Also, I don't know about other programs, but I'm guessing this will ring true for many programs - we aren't guaranteed TA positions for courses in our field. I lucked out this semester, but I've got a friend who TA'd a holocaust course (and he does American 20th century history). So, in a case like that, you may know NOTHING, aside from the reading you do for the course.

Oh yeah: also expect that 20 hours to include the time you spend reading for the course. :)

[dreadpirateange.livejournal.com]

I'll see if I can get in contact with a current grad student to see. What you are describing sounds like something I'd enjoy doing...

20 hours of *actual* teaching, plus preparation for those 20 hours sounds like hell.

It definitley will make all the difference.

[tigg.livejournal.com]

There's no way it'll be 20 hours of *actual* teaching per week. Since it's a state school (I believe?), you may have more than 2 sections to TA, but at most, you should have, perhaps, 4 sections, plus sitting in on lecture. That is: they shouldn't have you as a TA for more than one course per semester. Depending on size of courses, etc., that would determine the number of sections you TA - but 20 hours usually includes the prep time and everything. TAing is considered part-time, in conjunction with your regular work - so while you may have a week or two each term when your actual work approaches 30-40 hours (due to grading), this should be the EXCEPTION, and certainly not the norm. I think most of us actually end up working less than 20 hours most weeks.

[egydystonic.livejournal.com]

Hey, I wandered over here while mindlessly checking who_got_in (like there's going to be an acceptance post at 10:30pm).

I got the same letter, and I totally know what you feel. It's a fully funded PhD program, but while I'm really happy about it, I'm also feeling the same but-it-could-have-included-a-whole-year-of-fellowship annoyance. And then an extra layer of annoyance at myself for being such an ass about it.

Anyway, that ungrammatical mess really adds up to me saying "Yeah, it's weird, huh?"

(Tigg's comments, as always, are encouraging though.)

[dreadpirateange.livejournal.com]

Glad that I'm not the only one, at least :)

[wordothox.livejournal.com]

Why is it that when I get my heart's desire, my heart moves on to something even more unattainable before I even have enough time to celebrate?

Hey now, complacency doesn't get you anywhere (certainly didn't get you into grad school!) Not that I know anything about teaching, but here's guessing htat it'll be good experience. Also, if other people in your program have to do it, too, then you can all commisserate. Misery loves company, yeah?

[dreadpirateange.livejournal.com]

That's true, and at least someone else who got accepted feels the same way.

[grrrlishgrin.livejournal.com]

i heard about your place that it is the no. 1 grad student exploiting graduate school in america. as in, they let their students teach more than anywhere else, and have high expectations from it all, without paying more than others.

this might be a good topiv to talk to current grad students about...

[dreadpirateange.livejournal.com]

You're right, I was suspicious of that as well. I shall get in contact, pronto!

[lady-fibsworth.livejournal.com]

I've had nothing but 2 rejections yet. You've got funding and a place you are happy with - be glad!

[dreadpirateange.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry, that's aweful! My friend Sandy is in the same boat, and last night, I dreamt that she texted me saying she had had another rejection! I woke up with a start, as if it were an actual nightmare with evil demons chasing me!

I am glad. I really am. I just always have the nagging devil on my shoulder saying "hmm, could have done better, Angela. Should have done."

[tigg.livejournal.com]

....and you still may do better! It's still early - don't lose hope! :)

[riki-kiki-taco.livejournal.com]

So you're a TA for undergrads? Depending on who you're working with, you may have nothing to do. All I've ever seen TA's do is proctor exams and grade a few papers. I think you'll live. Could this feeling perhaps have something to do with the fact that now you've had one acceptance, you still have 9 to hear from? Something tells me that once you start hearing from the other schools and are actually comparing and contrasting the deals you're getting, things will be much more interesting.

~kiki

[aiwanakademie.livejournal.com]

I am technically a TA this term, but the professor who I am assigned to finds me more useful in an RA role. He is teaching one undergrad honors section this term. Ever so often he will have me copy chapters in books for the supplemental reading and I pulled required readings to put on reserve for the term. That is the most I have done TA wise.

Sometimes you luck out - other times, not so much. I have a friend who is assigned as an RA to a faculty member in our department. She is stuck translating stacks and stacks of articles from German to English, even though there are two of us in the dept who are considerably more fluent than she is. She is also TA'ing for another faculty member. The clock hours arent really spread evenly or fairly throughout our department.

[dreadpirateange.livejournal.com]

That's handy!

Of course, if anyone tries to stick me with 20 hours of translating, some of this pent-up violence will be unleashed. And I cannot be held responsible for when/how/where.

[delenda-est.livejournal.com]

I think the whole application season is so stressful that it can sometimes be anticlimactic when you actually hear from schools. Especially at this point where most people have only heard from one or two of the places they applied. If it makes you feel better, I was in a similar position at this point last year; I had gotten into one or two schools that were at the bottom of my list but the funding offers weren't great, and I kept thinking, "do I really want to go there?" Instead of being glad that I got in anywhere!

But soon you'll hear from other schools, which will give you more options and hopefully more excitement. I ended up getting into my first choice (and I do have to teach for my stipend, but I really like teaching).

[delenda-est.livejournal.com]

P.S. Whenever I calculate the funding offer, I add in the tuition waiver to make myself feel even more rich. (maybe it's because I'd only ever attended public schools before this, but the idea that my tuition waiver alone is over $35K a year is insane!)

[dreadpirateange.livejournal.com]

Yes, I think it is an anti-climax. Particularly becuase at this p oint in my life, the 4 big things that were bothering me for around 7 months now have been resolved. I have no one left to fight. (Don't you worry, I'll take on another project or five.)